What’s eating you?!


Wait, don’t go! This is NOT some gross article about parasites (with accompanying horrible pictures).

Not the physical kind, anyway.

No. What I’m talking about is all that shit in the back of your mind that eats you up from the inside.

Your worms are all the things that you don’t want to look at or admit. The things that you’re always avoiding or turning away from. The small, scared, pathetic parts of yourself that disgust you.

When all is quiet or you’re alone, it tries to show you images of past misdeeds. It whispers uncomfortable “truths” in your ear.

Wait a second, it almost sounds like I’m saying there’s two of you.

There’s gotta be if you can be disgusted by you. Right?

Well, that’s how we’re going to think about it here.

Don’t get overly analytical about this concept. It’s just a way of looking at the situation, so just roll with it.

Okay, there’s two of you.

A small, selfish, weak, pathetic, mean, jealous, and on and on… aspect.

Then there’s the calm, expansive, courageous, knowing, and wise side of you that is able to observe the small you while also being aware of itself. 

I’m going to share something with you that I hope will instantly empower your bigger, wiser self.

Here it goes…

Just because your small self may have ruled in the past (maybe even as recently as a few minutes ago), it doesn’t mean it will rule going forward.

You are who you choose to be. With enough choosing, you can become a radically different man.

Little by little, day by day, you can become better than before. 

But, the power must shift from little you to big you.

Little you hides in the shadows like a sick little Gollum. It feeds on shame

When you drag it out into the daylight, your small self can be seen for the sickly little creature it is. It instantly begins to lose power.

Of course, you can’t literally drag part of yourself out into the daylight and watch it whither. This is a metaphor for looking at your thoughts, actions, and character with honesty. The sunlight is your abiding, compassionate gaze. 

But you must tread carefully in the beginning.

There is a danger that you can identify with the wrong self. This will leave you feeling worse.

Stand firmly in your big self. 

Your big self is kind, courageous, and clear. It sees things for what they are. Like a sovereign leader, residing over the kingdom, it rules wisely.

Just by becoming the observer of your small self, you have chosen a side. You’ve chosen to stand in the big self.

Don’t get confused. This is your deeper truth.

Living in your small self is a kind of reality.  Realities are a collection of perceptions and constructs.  They are only as true as we believe them to be.

Truth is something deeper, something more consistent and less subjective.

Truth is hard to grasp, but it is always there underlying all phenomena.

But let’s not over-philosophize this, yeah?

Okay, Neo, the bottom line is that you have a choice. You always have a choice.

Just remember to keep taking the right road. 

Before you know it, you’ll be in a better place.